Here are some things we may think of as “friendly,” that are actually CHASING a man:
1. Calling him up.
This includes calling him because you heard or read about something interesting, or because you knew there was a great band playing somewhere, or someone told you about some great event that you want to invite him to or – anything at all.
This includes calling him to ask him why he hasn’t called you.
This includes calling him to tell him you’re upset that you haven’t heard from him.
This includes calling him to give him directions to your home or answering any question he hasn’t specifically asked, or giving him any information he hasn’t specifically asked for, or offering anything.
This does NOT include: You’re having a problem or an emergency, and you can’t reach a friend or a relative, and you’ve been dating him long enough that he’s started “future-talking” about things he’d like to do with you and places he’d like to go with you, and you need his help.
Don’t be afraid of appearing weak. If you need something — something of course that has nothing to do with the relationship — don’t be afraid to ask. This is what being a girl is all about.
2. E-mailing him, texting him, facebooking him, writing him, sending him a cute card, dropping by his house, dropping by his gym, calling up his friend, or in any way attempting to initiate some kind of contact.
3. Making suggestions, making plans and then inviting him to come and join you, offering to drive to him, offering to drive on the date, offering to put him up for the night on your couch, or in your bed…
…Offering to cook for him, initiating sex, initiating affection (in any way other than smiling with an open heart and body), initiating the “talk” about “where the relationship is going,” getting anything having to do with the relationship “started”…
…Creating a “special occasion,” sending him anything (pictures, mementos, ideas), thinking out loud to him about things you can do together, telling him about things you can do together, and creating things to do together…
…Or, in any way, acting like the social director of the relationship.
4. Asking him how he “feels.”
This includes, especially, asking him how he feels about “you,” or the “relationship.”
These are things we do almost without even thinking about it. These are things that feel natural to us.
It feels almost weird and unnatural to not do these things. It feels like we’re not being “nice.”
It feels like we’re not being “friendly.”
It feels like we’re going to lose him by not letting him know we’re “interested” in him.
It feels like we’re just letting him slip through our fingers.
AND, NOTHING COULD BE FURTHER FROM THE TRUTH.
Everything on this list is the same as putting a sign on your chest that says “Needy.” It smacks of desperation. And, it’s just plain not attractive to him.
He may LIKE it. He may go along with it. He may be flattered. He may have no one else around and so he’ll date you. He may even come to like you very much. You may even end up in a relationship with him.
But, you will never know how he really feels about you.
As long as YOU’RE the one running the show, he may follow, but he’ll never feel inspired.
And, you will never feel adored.
This is the point where you will find yourself up late at night crying and wondering why he doesn’t want to commit.