Meet My First Love

Meet My First Love
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I met my first love when I was 15 years old. I was in the 10th grade and I saw him during lunch break standing inside of the chinese food restaurant. He was skinny, dark skinned with glasses and my spirit was attracted to his. I didn’t say anything to him as my friends and I chatted easily in line behind him, but I was looking and the next time I saw him, I did say hi.

Of course, I wasn’t allowed to have a boyfriend or date so I began to skip classes and spend time with him. My grades suffered. I went from having an A in Geometry to an F. But it was worth it because, one day he told me he liked me and he wanted me to be his girlfriend.

His name was B. He looked like the nerdy type but he wasn’t. He was a street dude. He would wear a jansport book bag and Timberlands with some jeans and a polo shirt. He made me feel so HIGH when I was around him. I loved everything about him, especially the way he showed love to me.

He was broke though, which I didn’t understand. He had a job, all I had was an allowance and somehow I always had more money than he did.

We were together off and on until my senior year. I never felt more safe than when I was looking into his eyes. In his eyes, I saw life, love and a future.

He transferred schools, came back and then I decided that I wanted to lose my virginity to him. I was 17. One day we met at school and I told him. He was surprised but down for the cause so off we went to his house in the Pork N Beans projects, up to his Mama’s room where there was air conditioning and on November 4, 1996, I left my virginity behind.

It was awful! It was like trying to put a cork back into a bottle. It didn’t fit. By the end, I was thinking, “This is it?”

But we went back again another day and then the practicing sessions began.

He taught me all the positions, coaching me as we went along. He played music from 2 Live Crew and said, “Just bounce up and down like you do when you dance.”

I did.

And one day, my left leg started to shake. I stopped in mid bounce. “What’s happening to my leg?” I asked him.

“I don’t know,” he said as we sat there watching it tremble with no help from me whatsoever.

“Is something wrong with me?” I asked.

“I don’t know, Tee.”

“Let’s stop. This is weird.”

“Ok,” he said and we stopped.

No more than two weeks later I was standing in our usual meeting place for lunch and he never showed up.

I paged him and paged him. We had beepers back then. He never called back.

I cried and cried and cried. He broke my heart. I went from thinking love lasts forever to thinking, “Oh this is just a game.”

We never got back together after that, but I saw him again, 2 years later, when he had been accepted to my university and was entering the year after I did.

I saw him near campus at the bookstore and I smiled at him.

He smiled back. We laughed.

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