I Was That Pathetic Chick

I Was That Pathetic Chick
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I used to be PATHETIC!

Ugh!

So serious! If you had known me you wouldn’t have respected me. The root of my pathetic-ness came from my secret passive personality. I appear to be very dominant. I am. I have to be because I trust no one to lead me. But secretly I want to meet someone that I trust so that I can be that caregiver and servant that I really want to be.

I am a servant at heart. I love to take care of people and give them what they want and need. For years I was a waitress and I loved it for the most part. I love catering to people, but I realize most people don’t respect that.

All I want to do is make you feel good about who you are. I’ll do this by reminding you of your best traits and praising you whenever I can. It’s not about kissing up, it’s about wanting you to recognize your greatness. Most people like to be criticized. They think it helps them to be better. Not me! Criticism in an intentionally mean way only lets me know that you hate yourself and you want me to hate myself too.

Once I graduated high school, I went crazy being promiscuous because I didn’t want to say No. I wanted to give everyone what they wanted. I let man after man use my body and then walk away. I never expected anyone to stay anyway. I didn’t feel like love was a big deal since my first love jerked me around.

I just wanted to please people. And it wasn’t to get them to like me. I didn’t care about that. I usually chose men who didn’t have much love for themselves. I wanted to love them to show them that they can have love in life. I guess I was trying to be a savior but unfortunately it hurt me more than it helped them.

I must admit, whatever personality flaws I thought I had, to this day EVERY man who has interacted with me eventually calls me to tell me that I was the best they ever had. They didn’t recognize it at the time but after interacting with me, they say they never met another woman like me.

This means nothing to me. I don’t do second chances.

I guess I wrote all this to say, I’ve changed, tremendously. I am no longer that pathetic girl who was brought to tears everytime she was unappreciated. I still haven’t been appreciated yet, I don’t really care anymore.

I’ll hurt for a minute but then I’ll move on, because there’s so much other work to do in the world.

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